I've never slapped back. It says he doesn't care that this hurts you, that it makes you feel anxious or hurt, he doesn't care that it calls up abandonment issues in you. But now that it's over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. Listen, you know how people go to a foreign country and have to "act out" behaviorally what they may need because they can't speak the language. How do I apologize to my boyfriend for hurting him? Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Why are you still trying to live there? Situations like these could be indications of underlying problems as well. Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. Now this may sound complicated but in reality it really isn't. What I did was wrong and abusive, and scary even to me. toughlove1993 Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. It is important to recognize these rising emotions, these violent urges, and know that triggers cause violent behavior. But I think that staying together is the wrong course, and that you need a break. You may also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at any time: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Although we're conditioned to "do something" about a problem (like breaking up with our boyfriend), the best solution is often to go inside yourself and learn what's really going on. She casually reminded him of all the pleasant times that they had had together. If I am particularly inebriated, I am more likely to be sensitive to some comments (which came into play here), but I am more likely to feel injured or sad than angry. He said sure. I can't say if the relationship can be fixed or not because I can only base my advice off of what my reaction in the situation would be. I don't understand it. And it went left from there. He tends to call me names when we fight, and I've asked him to stop, because it really bothers me. This is the lesson you need to learn so you could keep your hands to yourself. It's horrible when we lose control and really screw things up. The fact that you'd use that term is a huge indicator. Read More >, I hit my boyfriend and I hate myself for it. Yes I asked him to give me till the end of the year maximum and he is ok with that. Well in your ex's eyes that is exactly what you have appeared to become, something they cannot have. Whether or not you mean to be violent becomes irrelevant as emotions take hold. In the meantime I'm trying not to get too down but I feel horrible and have no one to blame for my actions but myself. Without it, there cannot be growth, and without growth, there cannot be a commitment to non-violence. Again, this is not how someone who cares about you behaves. And feel the feelings of being bad. Once violence enters the picture it's over . Here's what I would do: Accept that you fucked up, big time. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By Maybe you don't have anger issues overall, but clearly you do towards him. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. I called him a few hours later, and we hung out. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Sounds like an incredible toxic relationship. Ladies of LSA, when was the last time you got "pulled aside" by an elder? Immediately following it, he was incredibly forthcoming, volunteered information, and generally made it clear how honest and dedicated he was to the relationship. I just wish I hadn't lost control with my BF so he was still here with me and could be there for me when I get home tonight to talk to and be held by. tiffanyyoung00August 28, 2016 in Breaking Up Advice. The next psychological technique to help you win your ex boyfriend back may sound like a stupid idea. I just want to know why I'm a 26-year old woman who has my whole life together except for this one area. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. Everytime we get into an argument he leaves me for the night and goes to his parents. He has never touched me. I feel that way too. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. And yes, I am very remorseful. I'm sure he says he loves you, cares about you, etc., when things are good. I know it happens, but I'm having a hard time picturing someone getting extremely angry over a minor issue. Ok, you didn't even read. You are right about there being something clearly wrong if this is something that still managed to get to me so many months later. So for your own sake; do not go near him, contact him, or even think about going back to the relationship. Deleted text as my view is controversial. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. My boyfriend still loves me and wants to stay together. But, either way, none of what we did was ok. Can I be mad over this? I just feel so terrible about it. You are not stronger than him. I just found out that my husband of 8 years has been Vent: Can the internet please be done slut shaming this cop, My boyfriend washed my clothes when I was super drunk. He kept yelling, calling me every name in the book, then I slapped him across the face, and maybe the side of the head. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. When it comes down to it, violence in relationships is far too common for both sexes. I don't know if I should be acting like what he did was justified, because I slapped him. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. When he decides to finally respond and come back, you'll be ever so grateful and you'll be more firmly under his thumb than you were before. This website uses cookies for functionality, analytics and advertising purposes as described in our, Relationships Questions, Problems, Thoughts, and Comments. Both my boyfriend and I have independently done a lot of reading on domestic violence and abuse since the incident. He would definitely leave me. Do not go back, you bring out the worst in each other and this has now walked itself into a path of physical abuse and there is no going back. My boyfriend and I got into an argument this past weekend. If the tables were turned I wouldn't want to be with an abuser either. I tell him I don't think I did anything wrong, he is the one now who is really in the wrong, for flipping out, calling me names, etc. I know it's horrible and I know that no one should stay with me because I'm like this. I need help. I would leave him if he hit me. I hit my boyfriend for the first time about a year ago and we were engaged, long story short he ended up leaving me and about 9 months later he came back. It shows regret and a desire for change. Because this happened when you were drinking, perhaps you shouldn't drink anymore. You may think, "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and notice that I can get angry or engage in name-calling," or "I love my boyfriend, but I hit my boyfriend and use controlling behavior," and if this is the case, it is time to reach out now. You domestically abused your boyfriend. Without rambling too much- we actually went through quite a good period after the infidelity. And I should. Of course he's trying to act normal. I don't think that should be your worry. Unfortunately, situations like these require self-reflection. The best way to get your ex boyfriend back is to go out and enjoy yourself. Not "we need time apart" no, screw that. I don't feel well and really want to go home." My boyfriend got into a heated agrument last night where he accused me of cheating on him with a mutal female friend because durring the night we would often joke about her being my girlfriend etc and because we kept going to the bathroom - manly because we were drinking a lot that night( by drinking i mean - i was thirsty so i kept myself hydrated with water etc, however i did have a beer BUT was not drinking to get drunk nor was i tipsy) and needed to use the bathroom therefore we went . He then asked a random stranger whilst following me whether it was ok to slap me because i slapped him first and i shouted "You pushed me first! In this way, she let him see that she would like him back but was leaving him the time to make his own decision. It threatens you -- suggests you might be losing him. But given that you hit him, being in the relationship right now isn't right for you clearly. I think it's good that you guys are actively trying to work on things. Men are abused far more than general perception would have you believe. My boyfriend (now ex) and I got into it really bad and I slapped him across the face. I'm sobbing as I type this it sounds so horrible and I hate myself for this. I bring it up 20 minutes later, and basically we go at it. Even though I now have a small sense of understanding why things happened this way, it does not mean it's an excuse and I recognize this. Far too many perpetrators think that the violence they have committed is okay, that they have not done anything wrong. You have matured and you are finally in control of yourself and your emotions. We have talked about it, he's aware of how it makes me feel but has continued to do it. I don't think I deserve it. Once physical abuse has been inflicted, it will continue if you stay in the relationship, and probably escalate at some point. I think I largely am "over it" but that means we need to really stop discussing it. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. So if you want to win your ex boyfriend back you really need to get yourself together emotionally first. I am happy to see that most of the commenters in this thread seem to see this the same way as well. These are not the actions of someone who cares about you. If not, do these problems ever get resolved? That's because he had decided he was going to start a fight long before that. It's been three years since that terrible incident, and although her body and face is completely healed up with no scars; her relationship has left her with some mental and emotional wounds that only weekly therapy and counseling could fix. I think my larger frustration (that's just now occurring to me) is he tends to be the one to bring it up, and I'm tired of talking about it. I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel awful - I feel guilty for breaking up with him. Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were out having fun and it looked like you did not have a care in the world. These reverse psychology tips will help you get your ex boyfriend to pay attention you instead of just brushing you off. I've never done anything like that before in my life. Get The Support You Need From One Of Our Therapists. This guy crossed the line by pushing and slapping you. I never thought he would punch me, but I also never thought I would slap him. I hit my boyfriend because he wont listen happens far too often. Very common. I feel like a little kid that wants to be held. My love for you is infinite and I find new ways to show you every day. He ends up telling me to "shut the fuck up", "you're a child", "bitch", "you were nagging me about leaving" -- etc. Not only that but if he still has feeling for you then he will start to miss your presence. Ok. While it certainly is not excusable to be violent with your significant other in any situation, recognizing what you have done can be the important first step towards resolving the situation. It wouldn't be getting the same responses at all. No, I wish it was. He calmed down a tiny bit, we went inside and talked. These are also key ingredients in abusers. (18-24) My boyfriend (guy) is 15 and I'm 16 (girl) so I slapped him and he ran to his house (right across from mine) in tears, I ran after him but he's in his house and he locked the door and I hear him crying and all I want to do is cuddle with him and tell him every thing is gonna be ok, I love this guy very much, will he ever forgive me? A slap usually just stings, and while it's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that. He has been extremely sensitive through out our whole relationship and I have a hard time ever bringing up something that bothers me because he does not take criticism well and gets extremely mad. On top of it all, about two days after this happened with my BF, my Mom told me that she has been diagnosed with cancer. You must log in or register to reply here. There was a car on both sides of our car, and they were kind of prohibiting us from leaving (doors open, people standing behind our car.) Your boyfriend is likely verbally/emotionally abusive. Him just acting like he didn't care and showing no emotion. Let this be a lesson and move on. Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By I'm capable of holding a great job, have a circle of wonderful friends whom I treat like gold, but when it comes to my boyfriend I turn into another person when I feel threatened. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. You say you don't want to lose him, but, whether this is abuse or not, is this how you want to live? I know that's pretty meaningless, but I don't. Label the action and let them know you saw its impact. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. We've since discussed that's obviously not the case. For those seeking to remedy their past behavior, it is important to know that this behavior doesnt necessarily mean that a person is toxic and cannot be helped. In fact Jimmy defended himself rather badly and Susan dropped him there and then. I ruined something great by losing control. Now as an only child from a divorced family, that leaves me completely respondsible for her care and going to appointments with her. Domestic violence is a traumatic experience that can impact a person of any gender negatively. When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. Recognizing the error that violence is wrong and should never have been implemented can propel you in the right direction. He's broken my trust, yes, but he's also earned it back. It can occur within a range of relationships, including married couples, living together, or dating. I've never once hit someone. I'm not trying to blame you and don't want you to be trying to find a way that this is your fault, I'm just trying to cover the bases so I know I'm getting an accurate picture. Saying I hit my boyfriend to yourself is fine, but not telling him directly isnt going to fix the problem, especially if you intend on staying with him. LittleHelpFromMyFriends, August 9, 2022, By The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. In Other Words: "My Boyfriend Slapped Me". So in case your boyfriend will get jealous when you're in dialog with a handsome man or if you talk about how humorous your co-worker is, you higher believe that he loves you. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back this is exactly where you want to be. Is it OK to slap my boyfriend? Coupons arent couponing like they used to. Anger management and therapy can help. She said that she didn't want to sacrifice all this because of her rashness. You should be charged with assault, just like he would have been charged with assault if he had hit you, because that is true gender equality. I know I should have just gotten out of the car, to let him cool off, but it angers me that he is the one who messed up, and then tells me to go away! Has anyone here loved a man that was bad for you? Very sad, because I genuinely believe you are truly remorseful. What I did was abuse. The goal for not committing violence again has to be a personal mission. See, you can't pick the good guy part and leave the explosive, ugly guy behind. Manage Settings He's smug and continues to state he's not at fault. Not only that, unstable emotions can lead to violent urges. Immediately, I slapped him. Izzy1234 Neither of you should be resorting to violence for any reason, this is your loudest clearest message in the entire universe that this is not a healthy sane good sustaining anything, definitely not love, and you need to get out now before it gets worse. She would be told that if he did it once, he'll do it again, and not to feel safe around him. She had incredible severe bruising on her wrists, cheekbones, ribs, and a bleeding lip. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. They are not equal, they are better-than. My Dad was having an affair during most of my childhood and was never home or when he was home, he wasn't around my Mom and I. Your long term strategy needs to be to get out of that relationship.
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