Fast forward a few months and this time it's a double date with me and my boyfriend and her and a casual date. What can I do? And the tragedy is that all that resentment might all be for nothing when you learn that he was more than willing to listen to you! Similarly, if you get the sense that their ex wants to get back together even if your partner shows no interest themselves a friendship definitely isnt a good idea. Im talking about him trusting you when you say that something hurts, and him trusting that your needs are reasonable. How would you feel if your BF gets jealous with you talking to your ex? If you dont trust him because youre insecure about his friendship with his ex, youre only going to accomplish the following: 1) Youll make him feel like crap because his own girlfriend doesnt trust him. They may be the worst, but just possibly, they may be amazing and a new best friend for you, too. Jilted crushes, not so much. When I first met her, he came up to her and hugged and spun her and he seemed incredibly happy to see her. (36-45) Well I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 5 months now and everything is going great, until something comes up about her "best friend". I had thought hed lost interest but took what he said and accepted it. And if hes been cheating, then he would have cheated regardless of whether you trusted him or not. Perhaps they were friends before they hooked up and got together. Is your boyfriend allowed to be friends with his ex? So how do you feel about this person becoming a part of your circle? Does everything seem to remind your partner of their ex? Its why outside friendships often fall to the wayside at first. DO YOU WANT TO FIX YOUR BROKEN MAN-PICKER? We stopped dating, for reasons that were unrelated to their friendship. During dinner, she kept going on and on about memories she had with my boyfriend in high school and she asked me, "Has he told you about how he asked me to prom? I communicated that I feel uncomfortable with this dynamic as it is unusual. My point isnt that you need to just get over it, or that getting over it is something you owe to him. You do not want to completely ruin what you had just because a romantic relationship didnt work out. And then try to talk about your compromises, if they are needed given your circumstances. But even then, if you want your relationship to thrive, its in your best interest to NOT accuse him straight away. Just your usual house guest antics. Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. The DNA test came back positive [M28/F27/F20], Press J to jump to the feed. So here is the sum of their relationship. Be a better person and work on self-care and treat your boyfriend better than any other girl can. reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): A Even then, I'd keep my opinions to myself. Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. Also, the longer it's been, the more evidence that they aren't in any rush to rekindle things. You are absolutely allowed to feel this way about this situation. What do you think? This might even be one of the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place. They dated for a year (broke up 3 years ago) and continued being close friends. After all, they were once part of the couple's life together. This friendliness extends to her, and the fact that shes his ex doesnt even matter to him. It's not that I'm worried about him cheating, I'm literally just uncomfortable with the closeness of it all. And if he hasnt been cheating on you? male She was his friend with benefits before your relationship, his attraction won't disappear because he is now your boyfriend. The choice you have in front of you now is what that ideal outcome looks like, and how much you want to work together towards it. women in the west are far from oppressed. If their breakup happened recently, and one or both of them are still recovering, then they really shouldnt be hanging out as friends, Bennett says. Sneaking around typically points to something nefarious, like a desire to cheat, and gives off icky vibes that have no place in a healthy relationship. Inform your spouse of any problematic relationship dynamics and work together to resolve them. It might make you feel a little jealous and protective, but so long as he isnt actually trying to cheat on you with her, theres no reason for you to be afraid. I also want to nod to the fact that there are many, many people who would be much more militant about the scenario, who would absolutely shut that sh*t down and demand that he end the friendship. Own up queen, you got this. Please answer my question, Id love to know what you think. You know him in the present, but you dont know the past version of him. They were friends for a while before they tried out dating for a few months, but he realized they were better as friends and they went back to friendship. The last time which was 3 days ago. male Almost as important as how long it's been since they split is how and why the broke up. When it comes to figuring out how to handle situations like these, it pays to listen to those who have seen it before. Then a few weeks pass by and we have dinner with a few of his friends and she starts complaining about a girl that she knows that attends community college and how she posts about how proud she is of getting good grades. If your relationship ended due to infidelity, abuse, jealousy or trust issues, remaining friends is almost impossible. We all need a bit of self-reflection from time to time, dont we? And that can jeopardize trust. While it may not feel good to have your boyfriend keep his distance when you had a horrible cold, you have to admit, its pretty practical, isnt it? "It's completely fine for them to be friends if they can build this new dynamic.". You might simply have insecurities or an attachment style thats keeping you like this. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Whichever way you frame the situation in your head is how you're going to see it. My boyfriend of 6 months is best friends with his ex. However, if you find out that your husband or wife keeps tabs on their ex through email or social media, it might be time to have a conversation about changing this habit. Unless a couple break up in a blaze of fire and brimstone, I've found that it's actually quite normal for ex reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2006): A Besides, you know the power of the friend zone it's real, and usually pretty final. You can get in touch with one such mutual friend and ask him/her to. She passed by and emphasized how weird it was that he didn't let me in, as if she was trying to make me feel bad about it. She's only a threat if you perceive her that way. Some people are still hung up on past issues while others see no problem with their old friend/love interest moving on. Read this to fix the errors youre inadvertently making so you can finally meet your Mr. Early on, however, we all have a tendency to over-rely on our partners for, well, everything fun, emotional support, relaxation, you name it. My point is that you might be surprised how lovely it feels to put down the negative feelings about his relationship with her. Recently I moved to the country/ town where my boyfriend lives, after a few months of long-distance relationship with visits intermittent. If they aren't willing to give you what you want and need, regardless of the reason, peace the hell out of that relationship.). They could also vent to their parents, other friends, or a therapist not someone who theyve been involved with romantically. Ltd. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. Its easy to see why. A: You asked one of the most excellent questions Is this my issue or his? The answer is: its your issue, plural. Guys can sense it when you are being suspicious and distrustful of them, and if they feel like their efforts at keeping or earning your trust is futile, then they wont be motivated to actually be trustworthy. You might be thinking, Why does it have to be her though???!?! If you're wondering, "Should your boyfriend be friends with his ex?" I asked for one boundary: for them not to hang out alone. Im just feeling insecure right now. Regardless of whether an emotion is reasonable or fair, your partner should want to be reassuring and helpful. Hes only trying to figure out who he is. I dont know if theyre related. So lets get this straight: Your boyfriend has only lost interest if he shows no affection when youre both healthy, not when youre both sick. If I want to hang out with her alone, I'm going to." 2) Youll make him feel trapped because hes dating someone who reads his text messages. He is also the godfather to her son, which makes the situation even stickier! Why Your Ex Wants To Be FriendsYour Ex Regrets The Decision To Break-Up. We all say things in the heat of the moment. You Are A Stopgap Until He Finds The Real thing. Some people cant bear being on their own. Your Ex Wants Sex With No Strings. They Want The Best Of Both Worlds. They Miss Being Friends With You. They Are Not Bothered Either Way. They Are Scared Of Change. You already have a huge upper hand, however dont let her backhanded comments get to you, even if they are low-key jealousy based. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. But now that youre aware of it, you should definitely work on fixing the issues on your end. 1. If your partner and their ex met on Tinder and only dated for a month, you might wonder why The text was from his ex-girlfriend arranging to meet him for lunch on Friday. female His Ex was always around his friends and even over at his cousin's house whom she was friends If they have kids, you can only hope that your partner and their ex will remain on good terms for the sake of everyone involved. All rights reserved. He had gone outside to speak privately, and I had a hunch it was something untoward. The Chicago Tribune You will both be graded on what you do together. 5) Youll make him feel that he cant be himself around you, which is the highest compliment a man can give to a woman. Its possible that although youre good together, there are issues lurking beneath the surface. Its something that seven years down the line you will appreciate. And have my taste in movies and TV! Is it a red flag if someone is friends with their ex?